You will be stranded in a dusty Hell, furnished in Biedermeier kitsch.
And when you resist your transition into the Teutonic Upper Class, Aristo German Male will dump you for an Aristo German Female with higher cheekbones. Running around Hamburgs Alster when you fancy going shoe shopping, or forcing you to go Nordic Walking on a Sunday morning when youd still rather be under your duvet stuffing yourself with scrambled eggs, Sporty German Male laughs in the face of blubber, Wiener Schnitzel and chips.
Habitat: Weekend hunting parties hosted by random Barons; posh Berlin hotels that serve Five-O-Clock Tea, Viennas Opera Ball, Wimbledon, Ascot, Marthas Vineyard etc. Reminiscing about his time at English boarding school.
Should they be inclined to work, they can likewise be found in the management of Germany's leading media outlets. The Pros: If youre English and homesick, Aristo German Male will happily indulge your need to take lots of holidays back to the homeland.
Youre likely therefore, to catch a glimpse of him and his geeky Internet-addicted mates at higher education establishments, grubby clubs and student canteens.
Their apartments tend to be chock full of books and CDs with a bicycle propped against the wall next to the couch.
But before you enter the minefield that is German-men-dating, be sure you know what's awaiting you.
The Survival Bible has put together a guide to some common Teutonic types.
ARISTO GERMAN MALE Daddy was the Kaisers favorite nephew. Its just a shame Germany got rid of their royals in 1918.
For single women visitors, the dating game in Germany can at first seem like a free, gourmet buffet.
The men are almost all impressively tall, many are blond and, almost invariably, they are extremely handsome with the bodies of Adonis.
If you really want to go out with one: Lose weight and get used to Saturday nights drinking orange juice. Has a facial expression not dissimilar to a spaniel that has been beaten up one too many times.
NEEDY GERMAN MALE: Usually in his mid-to-late twenties, the needy German male has generally just been dumped by his first girlfriend with whom he had been together since he hit puberty. Then he realizes the solution: He needs a replacement girlfriend. Habitat: Needy German male is probably still studying and light years away from getting a proper job (Germans can stretch their university degree courses over a decade).