It was the first time I thought I saw my mind leave my body.David has been a different person in every stage of my life, each one a bit more practical than the last: in high school he was a militant anti-capitalist vampire who killed the 1% and fenced their things and gave them away like Robin Hood; in college, he was a former child actor who left Hollywood after having a nervous breakdown and nearly fatal cocaine overdose; in grad school he was a part-time model and boxer who once played Roger in Rent on Broadway; since then he’s been a drug-dealer-turned-accountant-turned-social-entrepreneur who uses his wealth to help former drug dealers like himself start businesses. He tells me a story about how his mom died when he was twelve and how he never really knew his father—because you can’t have a fantasy playboy boyfriend who doesn’t have a troubled past to make him seem so vulnerable and complex that you excuse him from all his previous playboy antics.He looks to see how far he can spread her legs apart before they twist and break. In this time I have eagerly watched Lemonade and Grace Jones music videos.
Junot Díaz says, “We are never going to get anywhere as long as our economies of attraction continue to resemble, more or less, the economy of attraction of white supremacy,” and I wonder if it’s possible to decolonize and police a thing as subconscious and primal as desire.
I mean, yes, you can make the decision to act outside of these desires, and yes, you can analyze and agonize over why you have them to begin with.
But can you actually will yourself not to desire in the first place?
Using Ok Cupid’s “quickmatch” method (akin to Tinder’s swiping method), the site deduced that white men tend to rate Black women as seventeen percent less attractive than the average.
Other races seemed to view Black women similarly, with Asian men rating Black women as twenty percent less attractive than the average.