For a variety of reasons – often guilt or holding on to precious memories – they can’t proceed with the relationships they’ve jumped into. I suspected she would tell me he was having second thoughts and was breaking up with her. The widower doesn’t have issues, she’s the one ravaged with guilt. She knew he’d been a wonderful husband to her friend. Regarding her guilt, I said she had paid her dues to her friend.For years, Elaine was the best friend of the widower’s wife. When he revealed things about himself she’d never known, Elaine realized he was an even more remarkable man than she’d previously thought. To help end it, I suggested she write her friend a letter and explain her feelings.Bail out while you still have some sense of identity left.There Are Still Visible Shrines to the Late Wife When a wife dies, she becomes immortalized.When the wife died, Elaine never gave dating him a thought. And without being frivolous, I told her if her friend didn’t write back, then her friend had granted Elaine approval to move forward with him.I would like to hear from widowers and women who have dated widowers regarding their feelings about dating after the loss of a spouse.
And then, some time later, reality hits the widowers. Last week, a woman named Elaine asked for my advice regarding a widower she’s dating. He finally revealed that his hints about his feelings for her had been ignored. She was shocked and reluctant to date him, not wanting to jeopardize their friendship and feeling she was betraying her deceased friend. Then, I told her to stop focusing on the guilt, and start focusing on not letting him get away to another woman, that he would eventually go elsewhere if they don’t hook up because he wants and seems ready to love again.
Don’t worry whether friends and family will approve of you.
Your only concern is whether or not the widower is embarrassed to tell others about you.
In relationships – especially those that have lasted many years – one becomes used to the spouse’s habits and ways of doing things.
One of the big adjustments widowers have to make when they become serious with another woman is realizing that you come with your own unique habits and ways of doing things.